Thursday, September 2, 2021

Life Update

If you missed my posts from a few months ago, we decided to open up and share something very personal to us, our infertility story. You can see the former posts below if you missed it.

It has been such a relief to not have fertility treatments this summer as our last few summers were consumed with doctors appointments, injections, worrying, and waiting. It is such an emotional experience and the hormones and medications just heighten every emotion. While I am thankful to have had a relaxing summer (for the first time in what feels like forever), it is also difficult knowing we aren't taking steps forward and we aren't any closer to becoming parents.

It has been nice to take some time to reflect on our journey and to have some time to heal from it all. We are still trying to figure out the next steps we wish to take. We are coming to accept what our options are and have peace knowing we have done all we could possibly do up until this point. After some more disappointing news in June, we are once again just waiting. Waiting and praying is much of our what our infertility journey has been filled with these past few years, and that is where we are now.

Zach and I are so lucky to have each other through it all and our relationship has grown so much stronger these past few years. For that, we are so thankful. 

I want to say thank you to everyone that is praying with us and for all those going through similar struggles, know you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to or reach out to, I am here.


IG posts from earlier this year:
We are heartbroken to share our fourth precious little baby gained their wings๐Ÿ’”We know our little ones are in heaven waiting for us, but our hearts ache to meet them and hold them. For years we have silently carried our struggle and heartbreak, but it had become too much to carry on our own. I've feared being open and vulnerable about our IVF journey and losses, but there is nothing worse than feeling alone in it. We are so grateful for this image of our family, and we will cherish it forever. We don't know what the future holds, but we hope and pray God has as plan for us, a rainbow at the end of the storm.

Our IVF journey began in 2019, and never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that years later we would still have no baby in our arms. It has been traumatic, heartbreaking, and an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. I truly wish no one ever had to experience the lonely road that is infertility, but sadly 1 in 8 couples do.

After a year of trying on our own, we saw a fertility specialist. After 6 months of medicated cycles with no success, we moved to IVF. We've seen two different reproductive endocrinologists, done countless tests, gone through two egg retrievals and four frozen embryo transfers, spent thousands and thousands of dollars, had almost one hundred appointments, done hundreds of injections, and still have no earth-side babies. After four successful transfers and four positive pregnancy tests, we were so full of hope, only to be heartbroken when all four ended in losses. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿผ

We've clung to one another tightly, and leaned on God more than we ever have in our lives. While our marriage and faith have been strengthened greatly, our hearts have been broken more with each loss, and we will never be the same. It is such a hard road to travel, and it is not for the faint of heart. If you would have asked me years ago if I could do it, I would have said no, yet here I am, still standing, somehow. I wish our story had a happy ending to share, but so far that is not the story God has written for our lives.

I pray our four angels in heaven know how much we prayed for them, and how loved and wanted they were. We can't wait to meet them one day. If you are in a similar situation or traveling this road, I see you, I feel you, I am you. Continually praying for us all.๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ

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